2 Parts

I. On Language or Space

for YKP

English is not my first language. More painful, and well supported by sad empirical evidence, neither is Chinese. In the beginning, I assume it was whaa. As in whaa meaning I'm hungry. Or being a rather elastic language, whaa where is my milk, Gerber, apple juice; whaa where is my burp or diaper change, whaa where, oh where is my sleepy-time nap. Like the Intuits, but in reverse.1

That first language is not of much use these days because, frankly, it is terribly ineffective. Whaa where is my affordable but massive loft space; whaa I need a j-o-b; whaa I want to get laid. Predictably, nada. Worse, instead of conveying a particular message, probably now, the only thing conveyed or the only meaning received is that I am a salty-cheek, runny-nose wimp. Men, for whatever reason, are viewed that much worse for being a crybaby.

Or I overstate. A co-beginner language is silence. As in "-" and mushy food or toasty formula got shoved face-and-mouth-ward; "-" and the Huggies and wet naps unfurled; or "-" and it's crib time, hush-toned lullabies sometimes accompanied. Early on silence gained the same luxuries as letting out a good ear-splitting wail. God only knows why the young ones on board flights always chose the latter option.

Silence has more staying power for me. Almost eventually the inescapable question/statement/observation regarding me: "you are quiet" or "why don't you say something." I don't know what to say at those times. I am already saying something? Eh, maybe that's a cop out. I guess when posed with those awkward questions or sometimes statements, I end up by saying... not too much.

Elliot is one of my favorite poets. Or at least I draw what I will loosely term inspiration from his verses. Does summer surprise? He claims it does by writing "Summer surprised us" in The Wasteland. Actually, I never read Wasteland in full. But it starts "April is the cruelest month" and my birthday falls in April. Fake kinship I know. He was surely not thinking of little ol' me, or China, when he wrote that. China because I was not born yet when he completed his poem, neither were any of my parents I suppose.

I could go on about Elliot and his poem Prufrock (which I have read often), and those related digressions and regressions; but I will not. Best to save it for some other time, maybe, if there is any interest, that is. More simply I mistake. It's the way these things sometimes go. My first language was a cry, but a different, and never to be repeated again, cry. Maybe a cry for fear of being crazy.

It's like this, I was already in a world before this world. And maybe when I started out, small and simple, that world was more than large enough. Months later, even when my head touched the outer limits, and feet kicked for more legroom, I did not figure on leaving. I had most of the essentials: warmth, food, and security. But I was squeezed out nonetheless, which was unavoidable.

I will say this about Adam. Maybe he wanted to know good and evil when he bit the juicy forbidden fruit, maybe he was tempted by the promise of opened eyes finally - he had eyes, and they were of little use if they always stayed wide shut. But maybe instead or in large part, after Eve-ey took her ill-fated bite, maybe he knew she fucked up, and once she fucked up, maybe Adam saw the alternatives as either remain all alone in Edenic (literally) paradise or share God's legendary rage with his true love. I can see him munch on that illicit fruit to choose Eve's friendship, purposely. In a way, his eyes, perhaps, were already opened with something as great and powerful as the knowledge of good and evil, namely love. Romance-soused as I am currently, hopefully Adam was not a dick and did not later regret his act nor hold his independent decision against scantily, animal-skin clad Eve.

Which is to say, when I was out of my paradise, there was no choice. I was alone and was not aware of not being alone, I guess except for the faint, steady rhythm of my mom's heartbeat. This new infinite world, at least as infinite as my old world first seemed (if I thought about it then), yielded a new language. I cried: because it was so cold, because it was too awfully bright, because I must have thought I was insane. And maybe, because my ass was getting slapped.


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1. According to Google, it's a certain misconception that the Intuits have however many words they have for snow.


II. Briefly


Here is my friend David's movie list, with some unrelated intro.

Coming back from a vacation and getting back to reality is always so difficult. Anyway, catching a film and listening to cool music always reinvigorates me and that's exactly what I did last week.

Along with X I caught this wonderful French film called The Earrings of Madame De... at the Film Forum. It's an early 50's film (1953 to be exact) and similar to Rules of the Game it follows the lives of the rich and is considered a classic. While Rules is somewhat difficult to follow due to its multitude of characters, Earrings thankfully only has 3 with the main focus naturally on the Madame of the title. I thought Earrings was much more accessible then Rules although I hope to revisit Rules again at some point if I can get my hands on da boss's pristine dvd which is still in its original shrink wrap. Hahaha... ***********Spoilers*********** I thought it was pretty creative how the earrings in the film was passed around to the same parties and how its meaning changed with each exchange.************End of Spoilers********* I look forward to seing more films directed by Max Ophul and it was nice to watch a movie about rich people and then get driven home in X's big old Benz! Hahaha.

On a whim I decided to catch Spring Awakening again last Friday night since C. was hanging out with her friends. I don't want to overhype this show but let my actions speak for itself. I always felt Broadway shows were kind of tacky and stodgy but Spring really shatters that for me. My Junk, And Then there were None, The Dark I know Well, The Bitch of Living, Totally Fucked, and Left Behind are my favorites and my only criticism is that it would've been nice to have one or two harder edged songs expressing more anger and rage because isn't youth all about that? It was funny, as I was exiting the theater I saw Larry Fishburne and we kind of made contact because I guess he noticed that I was staring at him. I was looking around to see if anyone else noticed him but no one really did or perhaps they just weren't making a fuss. Anyway, take the wife/shortie to Spring and let me know what you guys think. I'm certainly down for a third viewing! Heck, I can't believe I've watched 3 Broadway musicals in just as many months. Don't worry, I have no intention of watching Mary Poppins or Legally Blonde always on the real. I think it'd be cool to see a gangsta broadway show with some rapping in it.

I know we're into April already but here's my top 9 of 2006 from very good to best:

Always (Yamazaki, 2005) - wonderful tearjerker.

Linda, Linda, Linda (Yamashita, 2005) - low key comedy that Japan does so well.

The Host (Bong, 2005) - I don't think this film has caught on in the states even though it's playing on alot of screens.

Election 2 (To, 2006) - Gritty gangster flick that doesn't glamorize the underworld. FF is actually going to be showing both Election 1 and 2! I'm so glad that I didn't given in and just watch that bad boy on video! The adage that good things come to those who wait is so true.

Funky Forest (Ishi et al, 2005) - One of the best weird and strange movies you'll ever see. Rinko Kikuchi has a funny scene in this one.

Letters from Iwo Jima (Eastwood, 2006) - Japan is wondering why they didn't make a film like this.

Knockabout (Hung, 1979) - Sammo and Yuen at their best and a true HK classic. Someone really needs to start showing kung fu flicks on 35mm again! Lousy Tarantino should be sharing his collection with everyone. I'd love to see someone make a nihilistic kung fu flick based entirely on a evil kung fu master. It can be something like Graveyard of Honor where we see the gangster just lashing out at everyone.

Late Chrysanthemums (Mizoguchi, 1939) - at the beginning of this film there's a beautiful tracking shot of the two main characters walking the down street that lasts 15 seconds or so. That shot alone told me that I was in for something special. The main actor in the film was also in Naruse's masterpiece The Song Lantern from 1943. Ugetsu and Sansho the Bailiff can also be put in place of Late. Honorable mention for Sisters of the Gion.

Army of Shadows (Melville, 1969) - Opening shot of German soldiers marching down the Champs with the Arc in the background was quite memorable. Cool flick about the French resistance during WW II.