Give Up Now

1. An Open Letter to T.

(I'm leaving you as T. for now, because I'm fond of initials as I am fond of you.)

Anyway, some days ago as I described my flailing romantic attempts to win your attention and your skinny vulgar heart over a Midtown Japanese dinner with friends, they counseled: give up, she's not into you. I conveyed how my initial call to you ended with you saying you would call me back the next day, which you didn't. My efforts to call you again the following days ended with presumably screened and definitely unanswered calls. Your voice mail is lovely, by the way. Still, with no hesitation, these friends' unanimous insight was, after multiple non-responses, that you already showed me the surest sign of disinterest. Give up. She's just not into you. And a gulp of Shimeharituru sake to chase those words of sharper advice.

Even one more day prior, a different friend, with the same blue narrative from me, blunted the hard hitting dagger, and instead suggested that I call once more, and this time, spill that I am romantically interested in you, and your piercing, pale smile. I have to hand it to this friend for the optimism and determination in matters regarding the possibility of love/romance or perhaps faith in my individual courage in pursuing such matters. (Or he's secretly a sadist.) But his suggested course of action comes with no guaranties of a happy outcome, because who knows what you might think if I left such a blatant message on your voice mail – disdainful laughter for my clumsy delivery? horror in associating with a potential stalker? Or just as well be the other way around - horror in my clumsy delivery or disdainful laughter in associating with potential but meek stalker material.

Not that I mind saying "I like you" or "I am romantically interested in you." Over even a short period of time, I feel it is quite possible for me to express exactly that with the full force and intentions behind those words, but to be honest, right now, I just want to score 30 odd minutes with you to talk and to make discoveries. I have known a little of you for a long time now, months and years even; but I want a chance to know a lot of you. Even if factually true in that small-gestures-can-open-and-close-me ee cumming's blood approving way, saying (or leaving a voice mail) so vehement as "interested in you" at the present time is early. I want and also believe the spirit of the words deserves "interested in you" to be interested in a lot of you kind of way.

As for giving up and my acceptance to the fact that you might not be that interested in me, well, I think that course of action implicates pride and dignity, two extremely worthwhile qualities that, even if I were in possession of them, I would not have too much of to place in harms way anyway. At the risk of deluding myself from the reality my friends presented, the main downside in not giving up is humiliation and defeat, both of which are horrors, true, but at the same time, they add a shit load of humor to my writing and stories. There is a better than even money chance that you have an already boyfriend or that you might simply and truly, as was warned, not be interested in me. I have no way of knowing; alternatively I only have one way of possibly knowing, and that is to continue to call. If the price to pay yields nothing but a laugh, even at my own expense, I believe in a laugh, good or bad. For that matter, I have never seen you laugh, and hope we can share a lark and a laugh, sometime.

This is framed as an "open" letter to you, T. But coming squeaky clean, the likelihood that you are aware of, let alone ever find, this site is pinhead size tiny. If by miracle (or calamity) you get clued in on your own or due to - and this can only be calamity – your gossipier friends who fluke upon this webpage somehow, and you see this here, my bare and sloppy affection, do not forget to laugh. Especially outloud.


2. I Swore

I swore, swore that I had more to add than just the above. Just that at the moment I actually don't, have anything more, to add.

I do want to say that I love words, and that every time I read the things I write, or even as I write, I wish to God that I could have more ability and be able to write in at least a superior HS level. I keep hoping practice makes adequate, but so far not yet.

I also absolutely love, love, and love Thomas Pynchon, who has put out a new novel. Against the Day, it's called. I expect to buy and read it as soon as it comes out in a manageable paperback version. Paperback, just because that's how I roll.

Also the last word in internet/blog writing remains desaite. She is a ferociously skilled writer, with a keen, singular writing voice; evident even when she writes, as her recent want, her couple of skimpy lines entries. Though when she spreads out on the page, her writing is unholy. I hope wherever she is she's developing her talent, writing more and more regularly.

And apparently, and I don't think I ever knew, "wherever" is spelled wherever.


3. I Swore, Here Too

Yeah, I thought I had enough on my mind to fill three sections. But if there wasn't anything before, there's nothing now either; or, to borrow ancient wisdom: as above, so below.

Oh, this is a exemplary filler. My friend David has always been my capable guide for Asian, and to some extent the larger foreign, movies. I'll just add a brief decoder ring:

- Fat Gor = Chow Yun Fat;
- Wah Jai = Andy Lau;
- 2 Tonys = Tony Leung Chiu Wah and Tony Leung Ka Fai;
- Music Palace = last Chinatown movie theater to close, formerly on corner of Bowery and Hester;
- Da boss = one of our mutual friend
- Sun Sing = another closed Chinatown movie theater, formerly on East Broadway
- Wah jah = Tony Leung Chiu Wah
- As a correction of sort, IMDB has Peter Chan as the director of He Ain't Heavy, He's My Father.
- Infernal = Infernal Affairs

Now that you gots the annotation, this is what he wrote about recent and upcoming Asian flicks:

Just wanted to share a brief round-up of Asian movies that are set to open in the next several weeks that I'm interested in seeing. Unfortunately, most of these films won't be playing anytime soon in the US, but at least we can stay well informed.

* Curse of the Golden Flower (Zhang Yi-mou; China) - Zhang and Fat Gor doing a big budgeted martial arts film. Enough said! Opens on the 21st I believe.

* Battle of Wits (Jacob Cheung; HK) - Big budgeted ($16MM) martial arts film starring Wah Jai as a strategist who assists a small Chinese state defend itself against a much larger neighboring state. I thought Cheung was an odd choice for this film as his filmography clearly indicates that he doesn't have any experience in making martial arts/action films. Cheung directed 1993's He Ain't Heavy, He's My Father (Cantonese title: Sun Nam, Hing Nam I believe) which I remember quite well for the following reasons:

1- It was the second feature to Drunken Master 2 at the Music Palace during Chinese New Year 1994
2- Sitting in a packed MP where the audience would roar in laughter while I sat there wondering what the heck was so funny(?)
3- Da boss knew this movie back then for whatever reason and proved it by saying that the 2 Tonys were in it and then proceeded to sing the Laura song that plays so prominently in the movie.

I'm still reeling from the fact that the MP is no longer standing. Even though its been closed for a long time, I always held out hope that as long as it physically existed there would still be a chance that some billionaire Asian film buff would restore it to it's former glory. Believe it or not but I still dream about going to the cavernous lobby of the Sun Sing to check out what's playing.

* Confessions of Pain (Lau and Mak; HK) - directing team of Andrew Lau and Alan Mak reunite to bring us a new crime drama starring Wai Jai and Gum Sing Moe aka Takeshi Kenashiro. Not sure if Takeshi can keep up with Wai jai the way that Wah jai did in Infernal.

* Letters from Iwo Jima - Can this qualify as a Asian film? The director obviously isn't but the cast is as well as the dialogue is. Regardless, its doing well box office wise in Japan and advance word has been very positive.

* Tears of a Black Tiger - (Sasanatieng, Thailand) - Rights were held by Miramax for the longest time until Magnolia was successful in wrestling it from their dirty hands. Plays the Film Forum in January although Charles has owned the import dvd for the last several years now.

* Exiled (To; HK) - It's played in HK already and if I recall correctly the US rights have been snatched up already. To's follow-up to The Mission (Cantonese title: "Churn for" or gunfire) and the poster makes it look like a modern day Western! The film takes place in Macau right before the Portuguese handover to China.